Thursday, September 13, 2012

This weekend will mark my first outing into the world while on my restricted diet.  Until now I have been able to control all the details of my food.  I have been able to plan each and every detail of everything I eat.  I have been in control (even when I have felt just the opposite).  This weekend, I will hand that control over to another person whom I have never met and trust that this person has understood all of my careful planning and directions and suggestions.

As fantastic as it will be to not have to purchase, prep, and prepare all of my food for two whole days, I am having a hard time letting go of the control.  I want to check all of the ingredients, read every label of every ingredient used, double check that the recipes were followed exactly.  And yet I feel led to trust that everything will be okay, that the person cooking my food has heard me and understood me enough to "get it right."  More than that, I feel like God is calling me to trust Him with my food, my diet, and my health.

The hard fact of the matter is that I don't really want to.  I want to be in control.  I want to hole up in my house for the next three months and skip life for awhile.  Then I can eat the breakfast that I made at home;  I can pack my own lunch that I make each day for work; I can make my own dinner and know each and every ingredient.  For the next three months.   I could do this, and a huge part of me wants to, but I feel God calling me to trust Him and watch how He will move in my life through this difficult time.

I heard a new song on the radio today, "Only a Mountain" by Jason Castro.  The chorus goes like this:

This is only a mountain
You don't have to find your way around it
Tell it to move, it'll move
Tell it to fall, it'll fall
This is only a moment
You don't have to let your fear control it
Tell it to move, it'll move
Tell it to fall, it'll fall

I've been staring up at this mountain and planning how to scale it and worrying about how to get to the top, or get around it, or dig under it.  In this song God reminded me of the role that my faith needs to play in this struggle- in Him I have the power to over come it.  My "mountain" is fear, anger, frustration, and discouragement.  This is only one moment in my lifetime, just three months.  I don't need to live my life in fear anymore.  I need to trust Him and trust His provision for me.  "Lord, I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!

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